What is a “Musing”?  Let’s not spend time on the boring dictionary definitions.  What we want our friends who share this space with us to know is that you are all the catalysts of thought.  What we share is most often not original thought so we don’t want to use this platform with that intention and be clear that we can rarely take credit for what we muse here.  Inspiration and transformation is a personal journey and thoughtful reflection is the fuel.  We are often inspired by a word, a quote, an action, a book, a story or a thought shared by a friend, a client or an esteemed colleague in the coaching and business community – all of which takes us on a path of reflection, synthesizing what it might mean and making it our own.  Often we surface with even more questions which is the delicious play of it all!

Enjoy and we invite you to dive in.

“If you want peace, stop talking about war” – Emerson

What does that mean?  It means that our reality, our experience, is shaped by our intentions and our words and then our actions.   When we, in moments of struggle, start to believe that our reality is outside of us, caused by others, when in fact it is inside of each of us, we lose our power.  What we choose to see is all we can see.  What we focus on blinds us to what we are choosing to ignore.  When we can gain different perspectives, we see many real possibilities.  Or we can justify our choice to be miserable by seeking others who share our misery. Being right is just being right but it doesn’t change a thing except ensuring that one more person in the world feels judged.  Consider how choosing curiosity instead of disappointment, anger and indignation could change how we experience everything.

We as humans behave most badly, at our very worst as a species towards each other and even ourselves when we are afraid.  Fear is only useful when we actually have to ready ourselves to fight for our lives – and most of us live 80 years without that ever being a true reality.  Most of our fears are in fact not life threatening at all but we act as if they are.  It is how we are wired but thankfully there is more to us than just our physiology.  We all have fears and we know how they can limit and paralyze us and allow us to act in ways that we are not proud of – even though each of us have different fears, we can look at each other and understand that deep struggle and the darkness it creates. We can choose to be curious, empathize and understand instead of sitting idly in judgment.

When you believe someone has acted badly toward you or in a way that is not trustworthy, consider that what is behind that charade is a deep fear.   Our gift to ourselves and each other is to reach out and remove fear and build trust and listen for the story of fear that a brother or sister is living inside of.  We can choose to act with generosity, to lift them from it, not because they deserve it any more than we do, but because we know we all rise and fall with the same tide.

BE the change in the world you wish to see.

Michelle

I read somewhere that as retirement approaches and you start to wonder just what you’re going to do with all that time you now have, you should think back to the things that thrilled you as a kid. What did you dream about? What obsessed you? What would you have given anything to do or have? Once you figure that out, you then can begin to plan your third stage focusing on those things.

Well, personally, I was obsessed with reading and playing jacks and spent endless hours on those activities. But I dreamed about horses and ballet. I had a collection of horse figurines, horse coloring books, and a subscription to a since forgotten equestrian magazine.  What I didn’t have was a horse. I had ballerina paper dolls and a home-made tutu, but dance lessons were a little beyond my parents’ means. (To be fair, they gave me piano lessons, but I was a miserable failure at that.)

Many, many, many years later I found myself retired on Whidbey Island after a long career in Corporate America. Most of that time, I lived on the upper floors of various high rises.  So imagine my delight in driving around the island and seeing horses everywhere! Magic! At first I was just content to look at them. But like all obsessions, even long-dormant ones, it wasn’t enough.

Enter Equestrian Crossings (EqX), a local non-profit organization whose slogan is “Where Dreams Meet Opportunities!” Dreams?  Check! Opportunities? Also check! So I met my instructor, the lovely and ever-patient Miriam Burk, and launched myself into the wonderful world of horsemanship. And I just love it!

Here I am several months’ later actually riding horses that frankly are big enough to pull a beer wagon all by themselves. Not only that, Miriam has taught me how to groom them, saddle them up, and clean their feet. (Seriously, Miriam?)  I won’t lie to you that it’s all been easy. It’s taken some practice (and not a few yoga classes) to sit comfortably and keep my balance. But EqX provides volunteers to hang out with you and make sure you’re safe, and the instructors watch closely and don’t miss a thing.  I don’t think I’ll be clearing fences any time soon, but it is enormously satisfying to sit on a horse’s back and actually encourage him to do what you want him to do. Now I’m having visions of riding in Ireland or in the South of France or on the beaches of Mexico. Well, first I have to manage a local trail ride, but all things in their time.

Now I’m looking for a ballet studio that takes adult (and I mean really adult) students.  Know anybody?

For more information contact EqX at info@equestriancrossings.com or call 360-320-1573. Visit our website at www.equestriancrossings.com.  Visit us on Facebook “Fans of Equestrian Crossings”.

In partnership with World Vision, Wells Bring Hope was inspired in 2008 by a group of women who are committed to drilling wells to bring safe water and good sanitation in the world’s poorest countries in West Africa.

In small communities where young girls and women spend 7 hours a day walking unprotected to fetch water for their families that often is not even safe water but laden with disease, a local well of clean safe water creates powerful possibilities.  In each community, as these wells are sponsored and drilled, these young girls and women and their families can now battle less illness and disease, attend school, hold jobs or start small businesses and have hope their futures. Clean, safe water is a basic human right that perhaps too often we take for granted in Western cultures.  In West Africa, clean, safe water is the gift of choice that changes lives. We invite you all to participate in this possibility. http://www.wellsbringhope.org/index.php/water-circle

Lynette’s Well

Etc. Consulting and our clients and friends at Panda Restaurant Group are committed to Wells Bring Hope and it’s bold, impactful mission.   When Michelle and Eileen lost a dear friend, Lynette Cairns, much too soon in her vibrant life to cancer in September 2011, a well donation dedicated to Lynette seemed such a natural fit with her generous and hopeful spirit.  The attached link is a video of the dedication of the well we sponsored in Lynette’s name.  We invite you to watch it and celebrate not only Lynette’s life but also the changed lives in the village where Lynette’s Well will give life and hope every single day, continuing in spirit how she lived when she was with us.

Lynette’s Well from Michelle Walker on Vimeo.

Join me on Friday, February 18th 2:30-3:30pm (PST) for what will be lively discussion.

Happiness … Do you want it? Really.? How to locate real happiness now! The Executive Whisperer will discuss real strategies for bringing happiness into your life. She will share stories and ideas on what it takes to bring about true happiness. Our guest for this show will be Coach Marcia Brandwynne. Marcia is a Certified Life Coach. She received her coaching certification at the Hudson Institute in Santa Barbara, CA, and is trained in the theory and practice of Authentic Happiness, developed by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. at the University of Pennsylvania. Her specialty is in positive psychology and adult transitional development. Marcia has a private coaching practice, The Brandwynne Company, based in Los Angeles.

Upcoming BlogTalkRadio Show: February 4th,  2:30-3:30 PST

How can your team be more effective in 2011? Are “Moody Trudy”, “High Maintenance Maddie” and “Nate Know-it-all” keeping your team from its best performance? Are there more ways EQ can improve communication and motivation in your workplace? Yes, absolutely. The Executive Whisperer will share examples from different companies on how increasing your EQ will result in significant performance improvement with individuals and teams. This will also be a call in show – so please call in with your questions.

Please leave us comments with your thoughts on the show!

No more resolutions

Why is it? that at this time of year, so many people set out with grand ambitions and intentions called “New Year’s Resolutions”, only to find them discarded all too quickly? It seems that we all have areas in our life that we would like to fix, polish up, or begin. We look at the New Year as a fresh start, a time to wipe the slate clean and start on a new path. Clearly there is a level of desire to have things be different.

So, why is it that most of these intentions return to dormancy until same time next year? Most of us have experienced this phenomenon a – promises made, promises broken. Our failures then create disappointment, disillusionment, and the reinforcement that we are without resolve, strong character, or real commitment as we beat ourselves up a bit before resuming our more comfortable patterns.

There are a number of reasons why we strive, then fail so often, but there are two major culprits. First, we don’t establish SMART goals, (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound goals). Secondly, all too often we don’t set up a support system to aid us in our efforts and progress. Another way of saying it is that we try to eat the elephant all at once; without the right silverware, and all alone! Examples are many: to lose 30 pounds in 3 months, to “give up” our favorite whatever, to “quit (fill in the blank).” Even the language we use seems to reinforce negativity.

There is never room for error with this way of thinking. If we slip up once we don’t climb back on the horse. Instead we slap its butt and send it off to pasture for another year saying “I tried.” Well, seems to me the expression “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” is well said. It is not enough to say “you want to; you intend to, you’ll try to.”

If these desires and intentions are really important then try a different road to success. Start with setting up goals that can be reached reasonably. Build a contingency plan for slip ups and build a support network for you and your SMART goals.  An example could be to lose a pound a week for a year. That is very specific, very do-able (the experts say healthy and achievable), and clearly measurable and time bound.

Some people get support by enlisting a friend or hiring a personal trainer. In either case, don’t let each other off the hook. If you miss a planned workout, simply reschedule a replacement, ASAP and then do it. For me, when I lost 40 pounds years ago, one of my strategies was to walk three miles, four times a week with two walking buddies. We walked every Saturday and Sunday and two mornings during the week. We promised each other we would walk rain or shine. If we collectively couldn’t do a certain day, we picked another. Our commitment to each other kept us on track, even on some very cold wet mornings.

Another strategy is to find a Life Coach. Having a cheerleader and coach has helped me stay the course; recover from slips, and more importantly, insured my SMART goals were truly SMART. A coach served as both active support and in some instances, a conscience that talked to me through some tempting detours! Whatever you choose – be open with your plans, ask for active support, and build in ways to get back on track quickly if you slip.

I know I have a list of 8-9 goals every year that I want to achieve. Usually, I hit most of them. Along my life’s path, I have discovered that establishing meaningful goals, written down and posted, using the SMART guidelines was a great step towards my success. I then enlisted support via a buddy, a trainer; a coach whoever I needed to help support me and keep me on track.

So set a few goals for this year. SMARTen them up, enlist some support, and be kind to yourself. Don’t walk away if you slip up once or twice. Talk it through and figure out how to deal with temptation better next time.

Finally celebrate your successes along the way – not just when reaching the finish line, but also with each milestone. Good luck and may this be your best year yet!

Curiosity

Curiosity…”n. A strong desire to know or learn something”

There is an old expression I never quite understood. “Curiosity killed the cat”. Some suggested it was designed to teach us not to be nosy. In my opinion the obvious intent was to discourage us from trying new things or asking too many questions. In fact, I remember as a child hearing that exact phrase! “Quit asking so many questions!”

Over the years, my thirst for understanding actually increased. At times my desire to know or understand could be insatiable. I would devour books and newspapers. I had more magazines than I could stack on my coffee table. But I received a wonderful gift in my child hood. My eighth grade teacher, Sister Marla told me to never stop asking “Why”. She said my desire to understand was a great quality of mine. That reinforcement and clear sign of support built my confidence to stay curious and to continue to seek.

Continuous learning, unlearning, staying open to change, new information, and new ways of viewing things has become part of my every day mantra. Capturing the thoughts and feelings of others without judgment or preconceived notions has become a marvelous communication tool. It beckons a quote from S. Covey. “To seek truly to understand before being understood.”

When was the last time you sought to understand or learn something new and not judge? Were you fully present with the intention to simply understand and acknowledge their thoughts and feelings? The greatest gift we can give one another is the gift of undivided attention. Approaching another with the eyes of a child in wonderment or openness and exploring an idea that we hadn’t really considered sounds simple but it isn’t. It requires practice, focus, practice, focus…did I say practice and focus????
It is from this space of curiosity that intimacy, trust, and learning can appear and grow that we begin to understand. We accept differences. We agree to disagree. It is only after thoughtful inquiry and empathetic listening that we are able to reap the extraordinary benefits and it is powerful.
I would like to challenge you. How curious are You?

Why is it that we are all looking for a “Quick Fix”?

We are a culture of immediate gratification. “Let’s get what we want when we want it.” And that generally means now. Oh, and by the way, does it take effort too? Gee whiz.

Our impatience has run amok. Hurry to…hurry…so that…quick… I don’t have time. It is exhausting just listening to it. Freeways packed, road rage has become a fact. People bottled up in their metal room we call a car, isolated, and eager to get somewhere as fast as possible.

There is a barrage of demands on us, and our time.

So with so little time, fix it for me now, don’t make me wait.

Whewwww »» I need to meditate and take a breather! I am getting worked up just reading this!

Well, therein lies the rub. What exactly are you rushing to or from? What exactly is it that will really make you happy?

Relax; calm down…get thoughtful…for at least a minute or two! Where are you going? Or where are you leaving? Without intention and purpose we can be helter skelter with our time and energy. As we have no guarantee on how much time we actually have in this life, it might make sense to take a pause for the cause…and that would be you!

I have found there are two places to look when trying to determine where someone’s values are. It is where they spend their time, and where they spend their money.

Say what you want, but actions and cash speak louder than your words.

And the real interesting thing is this….people can always reallocate both to match what they say is important. And it is the quality of the time, and the money spent that tells the real tale.

Two people, a married couple. Eating in the living room, with TV on and both holding their laptops. Working, emailing, whatever. Are they spending time together? Clearly they aren’t spending with each other. They are simply co-existing. This is not what creates intimacy. And they wonder where the romance has gone. Or the kids have all the best stuff; you always bring gifts home from your trips. But did you make it to their last soccer game? Oh, sorry I missed it. But Mom got it on tape.

Come on……
What is the real value of time and money? How you spend it to reinforce your values, in a clear transparent way. If your words don’t match your time investment, then beware…you are probably sending a very unintended message.

And here is a thought…while you may believe you have all the time in the world…guess what, you don’t have anyway of knowing that. The only thing we know for sure is now. You may be able to earn more money, but you don’t have anyway of earning more time. The best plan is to make the most of each minute. The only real gift is ourselves, and our time. So slow down, smell the roses, and make sure that you are running to something. So sit back and enjoy and experience the now.